My one week vacation at home and spending quality times with friends were worth it. Praise to GOD, he provided me another career. =)
I am crying.Pouring out all my emotions.Failed decisions I wish I did not make.Many sins I have caused.The year is almost to an end.Pains and struggles I walked through, but im grateful I went through those times to keep me going.We all make mistakes, yet the cycle continues.I am crying for your help GOD.Wash me and pull me out of this darkness and I’m running to come back home.
field trip.
So I’ve been to many field trips. One is dark, second is bright, and third is full of inquiries. I prefer my second field trip because my mind is not full of dark questions. So yes I’ve been going to church and do listen to the messages given every sunday service. True….pastors does deliver great presentations on God’s words. When it does come, I fail. When it does not come, I get more closer to GOD. Then when the tests deliver, i fail once again.
So now here I am typing down everything what’s running in my mind. GOD, family, career, future, love, boys, and sex. Yes sex. I didn’t mistakenly typed that. Of course my behavior is out of hand as of now, but I can control of my actions. I know my limit and can play games like the other person does. And yes I’ve done it because my heart was torn so i had to find a way to make me feel better…and i was WRong!!!i knew it was bad, yet i did it.Why you ask? Because I wanted to see if i was over it.Yea you can say i was over it, but now I’m going back to the emotions i had for this person.And yes I’m dumb.I know I was entering to this scene again. But why put my hopes up you ask? Cuz I’m thinking GOD is talking to me to helping and saving this person’s heart.I had a plan, but not sure if I even will do that plan.And yes I’ve been buying him food when he ask.Why do it you ask..so we are even.He gave me pleasure, and I give him food.he ask for money, i say no because like what i said earlier i know what im doing. I know this is lust and not love.But he asked me one night..”Why did you come to meet me?” At that point, I can feel that he had a vibe of knowing how i feel bout em.I try to make like I dont know what the person is talking bout.He asked twice, yet he said No string attach for the second time.I give up.Dont know what to do no more.GOD first in my life.I will pray for this.Im okay.This field trip is adventurous.
